Affect Regulation

IV. CONSCIOUS REGULATION AND RELEASE OF AFFECT

THEORY:

DIFFERENTIATED OWNING

DETACHMENT

SELF-OBSERVATION

IMAGERY

TOOLS:

CONSULTING SELF

DETACHMENT TOOLS

SELF-OBSERVATION

AFFECT CONTROL SCRIPTS

1. CONSCIOUSNESS OF AFFECT

	Parent Behaves As If Child Is Not Angry, Distressed, Etc.
	"Don't Be Gloomy"
	"You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself For Crying, Or Being Afraid, Or Angry, Or Disgusted, Or Too Excited, Or Laughing Too Loud"

2. AFFECT DENSITY

(Intensity, Duration, Frequency)

"Simmer Down"; "Enough Is Enough"

"You Always Cry At The Least Little Thing"; "You're Too Emotional"

3. AFFECT DISPLAY ON THE FACE

A Prime Condition For Producing Backed-Up Affect

"Wipe That Smile Off Your Face"

"Don't You Ever Frown At Me Again"

"We Don't Cry Or Pout"

4. AFFECT DISPLAY IN THE VOICE

A Prime Condition For Producing Backed-Up Affect

"I Don't Want To Hear Any More Whining"

"We Don't Cry" (Face and Voice)

5. VOCAL EXPRESSION OF AFFECT

The Target Is Affect Vocalization, The Actual Decibel Level of Affect

"Don't you Ever Raise Your Voice At Me Again"

6. VERBAL COMMUNICATION OF AFFECT

"I Don't Ever Want To Hear That Again"

"Nice Boys/Girls Don't Say Such Things"

7. CONTROL OF ACTION

Counter-attack By Parent To Stamp Out The Behavior

"Breaking The Will" Of The Defiant Child

8. CONSEQUENCES OF AFFECT ARE LINKED AND SCRIPTED

Verbalized Or Displayed On Parent's Face

"When You Get So Angry, You Give Mommy/Daddy A Headache"

"When you're Angry, Mommy/Daddy Is Unhappy"

9. CONDITIONALITY

Control Rules Apply To All Affects Or Only Specific Affects

Control Rules Apply All The Time Or Only At Certain Times

Control Rules Are Implicit Or Explicit:
"No Loud Games When We Have Guests"

SHAMING OF SEXUALITY

INFANCY:

DISCOVERY OF TOES ENJOYMENT

DISCOVERY OF GENITALS SHAME

CHILDHOOD TARGETS:

NUDITY

CURIOSITY ABOUT PARENT'S BODY OR GENITALS

MASTURBATORY ACTIVITIES

SEX PLAY WITH AGE-MATES

ADOLESCENCE:

MATURATION OF ADULT SEXUAL DRIVE

MASTURBATION TO ORGASM

EROTIC MASTURBATORY FANTASIES

EROTIC/WET DREAMS DURING SLEEP

SEXUAL ACTS WITH PERSON OF SAME SEX

SEXUAL ACTS WITH PERSON OF OTHER SEX

CULTURAL/RELIGIOUS INJUNCTIONS AS SOURCES OF SHAME:

TABOO ON SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

TABOO ON SEX IN ABSENCE OF LOVE -- ONLY LOVE MAKES SEX WORTHY -- PURITANISM

OPTIMAL SEXUAL FUNCTIONING:

SEXUAL DRIVE MUST BE FUSED WITH EXCITEMENT AFFECT

FUSION OF SEXUAL DRIVE WITH SHAME, DISSMELL, OR DISGUST RESULTS IN DISRUPTION OF SEXUAL FUNCTIONING AND SEXUAL PLEASURE

SHAMING PARENTAL RESPONSES

SUDDEN SLAP ON THE CHILD'S WRIST

LOOK OF DISGUST ON PARENT'S FACE

ANGRY VERBAL OUTBURST

FORCEFULLY REMOVING CHILD'S HAND EACH TIME IT RETURNS

LOOK OF OBVIOUS EMBARRASSMENT ON PARENT'S FACE

UPPER LIP OF PARENT RAISED IN DISSMELL AS THOUGH CHILD HAD BECOME FOUL-SMELLING AND NOW MUST BE KEPT AT A DISTANCE

UPPER LIP CURLED UP ON ONE SIDE OF PARENT'S FACE IN A SNEER OF CONTEMPT WHICH BOTH PUNISHES AND DISTANCES THE EVIL CHILD

FOUR PROCESS DIMENSIONS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

DIFFERENTIATED OWNING
DETACHMENT
SELF-OBSERVATION
IMAGERY

I. DIFFERENTIATED OWNING

THREE ACTIONS:
EXPERIENCING
NAMING
OWNING

DIRECTED AT:
AFFECTS
DRIVES
INTERPERSONAL NEEDS
FUTURE SCENES OF PURPOSE

TOOLS:
CONSULTING SELF
FUTURE SCENES OF PURPOSE

II. DETACHMENT

TWO ACTIONS:
OBSERVING
LETTING GO

DIRECTED AT:
NEGATIVE AFFECTS
MISTAKES
THE PAST
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
DISAPPOINTED INTERPERSONAL NEEDS

TOOLS:
HUMOR
DETACHMENT IMAGERY
WRITING
FANTASY
REFOCUSING ATTENTION
LETTING GO IMAGERY
MEDITATION

III. SELF-OBSERVATION

DIVIDE ATTENTION BY HOLDING A PART OF THE SELF BACK INSIDE AS A FRIENDLY OBSERVER, THEREBY CREATING A NEW CONSCIOUS CENTER WITHIN THE SELF AROUND WHICH ALL REMAINING PARTS BECOME INTEGRATED

TOOL:
SELF-OBSERVATION

IV. IMAGERY

1. TO ENABLE DIFFERENTIATED OWNING

2. TO DISCHARGE INTENSE AFFECTS OR DRIVES

3. TO FIRST IMAGINE ANY NEW, UNCERTAIN, OR THREATENING SITUATION

4. TO IMAGINE OUR WORST FEARS OCCURRING AND THEN IMAGINE COPING

5. TO TRY OUT UNFAMILIAR SITUATIONS OR BEHAVIORS

6. TO IMAGINE BEING IN NEW CAREERS, JOBS, LIFE-STYLES, AND RELATIONSHIPS

7. TO HEAL SHAME AND TRANSFORM SCENES THROUGH REPARENTING IMAGERY

8. TO DETACH OR LET GO