Identity

III. IDENTITY: THE SELF'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SELF

THEORY:

IDENTITY SCRIPTS/INNER VOICES

HOW MUCH IS GOOD ENOUGH

SOURCES OF GUILT/SHAME

SELF-NURTURING

SELF-FORGIVENESS

INNER CHILD

TEMPERAMENT

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

SELF-AFFIRMING IDENTITY

TOOLS:

RE-SCRIPTING IDENTITY SCRIPTS

TRANSFORMING SCENES THROUGH REPARENTING IMAGERY

SELF-NURTURING

RE-SCRIPTING IDENTITY SCRIPTS

1. UNIVERSAL SITUATIONS THAT ILLUMINATE SELF-SHAMING SCRIPTS/INNER VOICES:

	(1) LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR
	(2) MAKING MISTAKES, BLUNDERS, FAILING
	(3) SUCCESS OR ACCOMPLISHMENT
	(4) MEETING STRANGERS
	(5) RECEIVING COMPLIMENTS
	(6) DISAPPOINTING OTHERS
	(7) FEELING DISAPPOINTED BY OTHERS
	(8) AFTER INTERACTIONS WITH A VALUED FRIEND
	(9) AFTER INTERACTIONS WITH YOUR PARENTS
	(10) AFTER INTERACTIONS WITH AUTHORITY
	(11) AFTER BECOMING ANGRY AT SOMEONE
	(12) WHEN YOU FEEL YOUNG, NEEDY, INSECURE

2. CONSCIOUSLY OBSERVING SCRIPTS/VOICES:

(1) NEITHER AGREE NOR DISAGREE WITH THE VOICE

(2) SIMPLY OBSERVE IT CONSCIOUSLY

(3) JOURNAL YOUR INNER VOICES TO OBSERVE THEM MORE CLEARLY

(4) OBSERVE YOUR SCRIPTS/INNER VOICES IN EACH OF THE TWELVE UNIVERSAL SITUATIONS

(5) BE CONSCIOUS OF HOW YOU BEHAVE TOWARD YOURSELF, FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF, AND TALK TO YOURSELF

3. NAMING THE SCRIPT ACCURATELY:

(1) SELF-BLAME: SELF-ACCUSATORY ANGER

(2) COMPARISON MAKING: DIFFERENCES TRANSLATED INTO COMPARISONS

(3) SELF-CONTEMPT: CONTEMPT TURNED AGAINST THE SELF

4. RECOVERING GOVERNING SCENES:

(1) PUTTING A FACE TO THE VOICE

(2) VISUALIZING THE VOICE

5. RE-SCRIPTING BY ENGAGING AFFECT, IMAGERY, AND LANGUAGE:

(1) CREATING NEW WORDS

(2) EXPERIENCING NEW FEELINGS

(3) CREATING A NEW VOICE TO HEAR INSIDE

6. ACTIVELY IMAGINE SOMEONE WITH WHOM YOU HAVE A MUTUALLY RESPECTING RELATIONSHIP ACTUALLY SPEAKING TO YOU INSIDE

7. CONSCIOUSLY REPLACING SELF-SHAMING SCRIPTS WITH SELF-AFFIRMING SCRIPTS IN THE TWELVE UNIVERSAL SITUATIONS

8. ACTIVELY MONITORING THOSE SITUATIONS FOR THE RETURN OF SELF-SHAMING SCRIPTS

TEMPERAMENT

1. INTROVERTED

Cycles In And Out

2. EXTROVERTED

Cycles Up And Down

3. MIXED TEMPERAMENT TYPE

4. OBSERVING YOUR OWN PATTERN

Identifying Situations In Which You Are Introverted Or Extroverted

5. AFFIRMING YOUR TEMPERAMENT PATTERN

6. OWNING YOUR TEMPERAMENT PATTERN AS INHERENT

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

1. DIMENSIONS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION:

(1) EROTIC/SEXUAL SCENES

Drive Amplified By Excitement Affect

(2) TOUCHING/HOLDING SCENES

Need Amplified By Enjoyment Affect

(3) IDENTIFICATION/FACIAL GAZING SCENES

Need Amplified By Enjoyment Affect

2. DIRECTION OF GENDER FOCUS:

SAME SEX

OTHER SEX

BOTH SEXES -- Simultaneously Or Sequentially

3. LEVELS OF EXPRESSION:

EMOTIONS -- Transitory or Persistent Feelings

FANTASIES -- Spontaneous or Constructed Fantasies

BEHAVIOR -- Overtly Expressed in Action

4. SPECTRUM OF SELF-DEFINITION:

SEXUAL
BEHAVIOR
SEXUAL
ORIENTATION

SEXUAL
IDENTITY

5. SPECTRUM OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION:

HETEROSEXUAL
BISEXUAL

HOMOSEXUAL
-- GAY/LESBIAN

6. LEVEL OF COMFORT VS. CONFLICT:

SHAME VS. SELF-ACCEPTANCE

SELF-CONTEMPT VS. SELF-AFFIRMATION

7. COMING OUT PROCESS:

STAGES IN COMING OUT -- FRIENDS, FAMILY, WORK

POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION AS GAY/LESBIAN

POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION WITH OTHER GAYS

INTEGRATION OF SEXUAL IDENTITY INTO A

COHERENT LIFE STYLE

INVOLVEMENT IN GAY/LESBIAN COMMUNITY

8. IT IS NORMAL TO EXPERIENCE EROTIC, TOUCHING, AND FACIAL GAZING SCENES DIRECTED TOWARD PERSONS OF THE SAME SEX



9. EXPERIENCING PERIODIC SAME-SEX EROTIC/SEXUAL FEELINGS OR FANTASIES ARE NORMAL IN HETEROSEXUAL MEN OR WOMEN, EVEN DESIRING TO ENACT THEM IS NORMAL



10. EXPERIENCING SAME-SEX SEXUAL ACTIVITIES, IN ITSELF, DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT YOU ARE GAY OR LESBIAN IN SEXUAL ORIENTATION



11. MANY HETEROSEXUALS HAVE OCCASIONAL SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH ANOTHER PERSON OF THE SAME SEX IN SPECIFIC SITUATIONS

12. ONLY SOCIALIZATION BY FAMILY, CULTURE, AND RELIGION FORCES CONSTRICTION OF THE NATURAL FLOW OF SEXUALITY AND ITS DIRECTION



13. OBSERVE THE PATTERN OF YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION OVER TIME:

Be Aware Of Who You Are Attracted To

Allow Into Consciousness All Feelings, All Wishes, All Fantasies

The Place To Exercise Control Is At The Boundary of Expression

Decide Consciously What You Will Give Expression To, How, And With Whom

If You Deny, Suppress, Or Disown Any Emotion, Need, Or Drive, Then The Seeds Of Disturbance Are Growing

14. PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH DEPENDS ON THE FULL INTEGRATION WITHIN THE PERSONALITY OF ALL AFFECTS, NEEDS, AND DRIVES

15. OWNING YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS THE KEY TO PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH

16. REOWNING DISOWNED PARTS OF THE SELF, INCLUDING SEXUAL ORIENTATION, IS THE PRINCIPAL PATH TO PSYCHOLOGICAL INTEGRATION